I wouldn’t say that urinating on dead things was a tradition in my hometown in upstate New York, but, if forced to watch one more episode of “Storage Wars,” I would confess that we did it a lot. Dogs, cats, rats, hamsters, chickens, batteries and cars that wouldn’t run. It didn’t matter. If it was dead, we pissed on it -- as a farewell salute. Like the time we found our cat dead one afternoon under the porch stairs. My father dragged him out and the whole family – me, my sister, my mom and dad – all gathered round and hosed him down good. And, I must say that special “goodbye” got pretty emotional believe you me. And as a kid I remember it was common to see groups of townsfolk gathered around something dead in the street, or, having read about a death in the newspaper, appear at a funeral home and administer the Yellow Farewell.
I got interested in the origin of the Urine Eulogy after I was arrested in New York City a few years ago for saying “goodbye” to a what I thought was a dead homeless man, instead an undercover cop pretending to sleep. But, near as I can find out the custom seems to have had its origins in war among fighting men as a gesture of respect to fallen enemy soldiers.
Locals tell me that our town’s tradition began way back during the Civil War when a resident, serving with the New York Teachers’ Militia, heard someone say upon hearing the news that Lincoln was dead, “Piss on em”. Now Lincoln was, as everyone knows, a great man, and what tribute could be offered by a bunch of rag-tag soldiers without so much as a penny between them. So, the story goes that the long ago resident of our town lay down pretending to be Lincoln and was summarily pissed upon by his mates. Admittedly, this story anecdotal, but suffice it to say that, if not this young man, then someone else happily brought the ritual home from war at some point.
I read in the newspaper that some US Marines have graced the bodies of some Taliban soldiers with the Kidney Kudo, But, I for one, am not so sure the Taliban deserve this tribute. I first met them through Harry Belafonte. In his immortal hit “Dayo” he sang the line, “Hey Mr. Taliban, tally me banana.” I had reservations then about the Taliban because I had a sneaking suspicion they would short-count Harry’s bananas. And, I sure as heck don’t like them now. They lost me when they tore down that 100 foot tall Buddha.
So, my point is that I don’t like being in the position of nay-sayer, but I think our service men and women should be a little more selective in respecting their opponents on the battlefield. I guess this whole incident is the result of our current infatuation with political correctness; that everyone must be treated in the exact same way no matter what. I just don’t think these Taliban people deserved to be pissed on. They haven’t earned it in my book. B.O.
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